About Swen Mercer (Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Unemployment)

Meet Swen Mercer, born in February 1992 in Berlin – back when the internet was still dial-up and people actually talked to each other without WiFi passwords. Now 33 and professionally avoiding eye contact with HR departments worldwide, Swen has mastered the ancient art of calling unemployment “freelancing” and homelessness “digital nomadism.”

Professional Achievements (Such As They Are)

Swen specializes in IT and web design, which is fancy talk for “I make websites that look good until you try to use them on Internet Explorer.” His coding philosophy is simple: if it works on his laptop, it’s the client’s problem if it doesn’t work anywhere else. He’s currently debugging his life choices from a café in [LOCATION REDACTED] where the WiFi is slower than his motivation to answer emails.

The Digital Nomad Dream (AKA Professional Homelessness)

After realizing that traditional office jobs required things like “showing up” and “wearing pants,” Swen embraced the digital nomad lifestyle. This mostly involves taking the same laptop problems to different time zones while pretending that working from a beach is productive. He’s visited 47 countries and disappointed clients in 23 different languages.

Writing Style: Weaponized Sarcasm

Swen’s writing has been described as “refreshingly honest,” “unnecessarily harsh,” and “the reason our therapy budget doubled.” His work reflects a keen observation of modern life’s absurdities, probably because he’s living most of them. He writes with the confidence of someone who’s never won an award and the bitterness of someone who definitely deserves one.

Current Status

  • Location: Somewhere between denial and acceptance
  • Relationship Status: It’s complicated (with stable internet)
  • Career Goals: Still figuring out what he wants to be when he grows up
  • Life Philosophy: If you can’t fix it with coffee and sarcasm, it’s probably not worth fixing

Fun Facts That Aren’t Actually Fun

  • Has perfected the art of looking busy during video calls
  • Owns more laptop chargers than meaningful relationships
  • Can convert any conversation into a complaint about WiFi speeds
  • Speaks fluent “it works on my machine”
  • Has been “just about to start that project” since 2019

Awards and Recognition

While Swen hasn’t received any official awards, he has been:

  • Blocked by three different coworking spaces
  • Featured in zero publications (a personal record)
  • Ignored by countless potential clients (also a record)
  • Nominated for “Most Likely to Ghost a Zoom Meeting” by people who know him

Swen is currently accepting new projects, criticism, and existential dread. He is not accepting calls during European business hours, American business hours, or any hours that end in “o’clock.”